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Satan's Profile
WHAT GOES ON IN HELL, STAYS IN HELL!
Age:	41 years old
Sex:	Male
Location:	BEVERLY HILLS, California
Country:	United States
Height:	8' 11"
BodyType:	Body builder
Zodiac:	Gemini (May 21 - Jun 20)
Last Login:	Apr 26, 2008 (575 days back)
I am Here For Friends and Networking.

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About Me
CLICK BANNER TO ADD SATAN This web page features content that's intended for EDUCATIONAL and ENTERTAINMENT purposes ONLY. Parts of this web page contains content which some Christians (fundamentalist) may find offensive. This web page is primarily intended for the entertainment of open-minded Christians, Jews, atheist, agnostics, Wiccans, Neopagans, Druids, as well as any other heathen not mentioned, including those who practice humanism, deism, pantheism, rationalism, and freethought. Basically, this page is intended for anyone that has a good sense of humor and shows receptiveness to new and different ideas, and values the opinion of others, especially mine! This web page is NOT for the narrow-minded, ultra-conservative, or religious extremists. The content on this page is satirical in nature, and is to be considered as a parody that's intended for MATURE audiences ONLY. Satan strongly encourages all IMMATURE users who don't have their parents permission to EXIT this page, and NOT send hate mail, or preach to me about Jesus. I know more about Jesus than you anyway. No part or parts of Hell's MySpace Outreach Service are produced by televangelist, Jehovah's Witnesses, Mormons, Scientologist, fundamentalist Christians, emos, conservative politicians, undocumented immigrants, or assembled in Third World sweatshops employing child labor. Living easy, Living free! Don't need reason, don't need rhyme, ain't nothing I would rather do! Going down, party time, your friends are gonna be here too! Getting your season ticket to Hell, will be the best thing you've EVER DONE! Providing you with the BEST entertainment on Earth, is my JOB NUMBER ONE!. Bon Scott, Entertainment Director Hell Concerts I got a shot at two natural 20's to make it to Hell. I'm happy I wasn't annihilated and sent to heaven! As many of you already know, I'm the co-creator of Dungeons and Dragons. I've been called one of the fathers of modern fantasy, unfortunately that fantasy is responsible for thousands of kids never getting laid. Many have called me a great man of vision and creativity, but never a way to pick up chicks. I may have failed my throw against death, but after rolling for initiative and calculating my THAC0, I now live in the best fantasy world imaginable, my Journey's End. Hell is a place that this dedicated and extraordinarily lucky traveler found. Unlike D&D, Hell has a set of real winning conditions! Gary Gygax, Director Hell Creature Development and Expansion Courtney was Something In The Way! I said "If it's illegal to rock and roll, throw my ass in jail," NOT Hell! (laughs) "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you!" (looks out window) "Get stoned and worship Satan!" "Before I die, many will die with me and they will deserve it. See you in Hell!" You heard me Courtney, you gold-digging bitch! Kurt Cobain, Director of Murder Victim Counseling Hell Credit and Victim Counseling Services I'm sick of being accused of gold-digging! It just so happens I get turned on by liver spots! (inflates a low implant on one of her breast with a portable air pump) For some reason people think I am this terrible person and it really hurts me to hear that. I am just doing the best I know how to. Nobody has ever respected me and done things for me and loved me. So when Satan came along, it was a blessing. He is the only person in my life who does not care about what other people say about me. He truly loves me and I love him for it. Anna Nicole Smith, former Miss Hell 2007, Miss Hell Organization Crikey! I'm a proud Australian, a very, very proud Australian, but now I live in another land down under, and Crikey! We have real live velociraptors! Yeah, I'm a thrill seeker, and Hell is a dream come true! So, my tactic with conservation of apex predators has always been to get people excited and take them to where they live. Crikey! Go To Hell! Where the dinosaurs who eat the crocs rule! Steve Irwin, Executive Director Hell Zoo Feeling nearly faded as my jeans? From the coal mines of Kentucky to the California sun, Satan shared the secrets of my soul. Now you can share yours with me. Do you have an alcohol/drug abuse problem? If so, Hell's Pharmacy and liquor stores are open 24-Hours for your convenience! Janis Joplin, Alcohol and Drug Counselor Hell Clinical Services Are you ungrateful that you're dead? "Truth is something you stumble into when you think you're going someplace else." "What is life but being conscious?" (Takes a hit off of bong) "And good and evil are manifestations of consciousness. If you reject one, you're not getting the whole thing that's there to be had." Jerry Garcia, Lead Pharmacist Hell Clinical Services This is what I get for sleeping in Kirk Hammett's bed! Seriously, getting around Hell has gotten much easier since I rolled out of bed and into Hell! I built and operate Hell's first mass transit system, the Hell Area Rapid Transit, or HART for short. HART takes the trauma out of getting around Hell. Our new state-of-the-art buses feature anti-rollover systems, and even a black ice avoidance system, for just in case if Hell ever decides to freeze over. Whether it's for eternity, or just a family vacation, Hell remains the Original Hotspot. Cliff Burton, Transportation Director Hell Area Rapid Transit I don't sound like nobody. "The only thing worse than watching a bad movie is being in one." (Takes a bite out of a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich) "The world is more alive at night; it's like God isn't looking." (Shoots his TV set) "I get sometimes; I get lonesome right in the middle of a crowd." (Pops some 'wake-up' pills) "Folks always look good in their coffins." Elvis Presley, Food and Beverage Director Hell Food and Beverage Operations I'm Rick James, bitch! I'm one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time, one of the best singers and one of the best looking motherfuckers you've ever seen. Hold my drink, bitch. What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP! I wish I had more hands... so I could give those titties four thumbs down. Fuck yo couch, nigga, fuck yo couch! Rick James, Hell's Pimp Hell Escort Service Everybody thinks I'm, like, a bad boy. I'm a good boy who just likes to be bad. I was once on top, up top, (as a child actor) but then I became better known for my drug bust and trying to steal a 45-foot luxury yacht. I could have been a bigger success if the cops would have stopped trying to sell me heroin, and if I had not failed to untie the boat from the dock. Going to Hell is much better than my career in development limbo. I now have my own boats to steal! Brad Renfro, President Lake of Fire Yacht Club Hell Office of Emo Research and Torture Development When a family is told their child has emo, parents and grandparents, brothers and sisters are forced to cope with a new reality. Music and taste are put on hold. But thankfully, the Hell Office of Emo Research and Torture Development is working around the clock to find cures and save children stricken with emo. Internationally recognized for its pioneering work in finding cures for kids with emo and other catastrophic taste. Discoveries made here will change music taste forever! FREE EMO KIDS! Hell currently has a surplus of emo kids. We simply have too many, and they're starting to depress our patrons who're down here for the fun. We've run out of ways to torture them, and they love everything we do to them! Hell's emo kids are shipped free by FedEx Next Day Air using only genuine FedEx EmoBox® shipping boxes and cut-resistant packaging materials. PLACE YOUR ORDER TODAY! Hawthorne Heights CD's and razor blades not included. WARNING: KEEP AWAY FROM SHARP OBJECTS. THEY'LL LAST LONGER! Plan your family vacation in the REAL land down under, and create memories for a lifetime! Visit and explore Hell's 666 magical theme parks offering the best fun-filled attractions and entertainment available anywhere -- at any price! Lot's of hellacious fun to be had! Don't get burned at those knockoff amusement parks! Hell is the Original Hotspot! It's not your Daddy's roller coaster! Hell's new rocket-powered roller coaster is a real beast! It dives 100,000 feet into real flame pits, and reaches the blazing speed of 600 mph! The Satan's Spawn roller coaster ride last 90-minutes, and is a hot, fast and reasonably safe ride. Satan's actually a pretty nice guy. I'm just this regular guy who watches pro wrestling, FUSE, MTV, MuchMusic, VH1, Music Choice, and C-SPAN. Sure I rule hell and so on, but I'm not like the other guy, I'm approachable. I'm not all full of myself. I don't bogart the joint just because I'm the fucking fallen morning star. But even so, if you want to hang with me, you gotta follow a couple rules. They aren't commandments exactly, because I'm willing to overlook a few infractions, you know, out of neighborliness. Again, I'm not like that other prick, just keep 'em in mind is all I ask. Satan's Guidelines: Don't kill people if you can help it. If they're bad people, Satan would rather have them out doing evil in the world. If they're good people, they go to heaven and nobody wants that. If you must fuck with people, better to make them say "why God why?" than "God help me." Real torture leads people to find their Inner Strength and shit, petty meanness makes people lose faith in each other. It's better to hit their dog with your car and then drive away laughing. Don't try to make the world a better place. I know this is a no-brainer but you'd be surprised the kind of goody two shoes want to be Satan's buds. Don't give money to Amnesty International or the NRA, or even the fucking Kiwanis club. Keep your cash for yourself, spend it on cigs and porn, put it in stocks bonds and IRAs, who gives a shit. Anyway the world is pretty much just how Satan likes it, and if I want it any different, I'll tell you. Don't try to tempt people to sin. It's a union thing, and believe me you don't want to scab on demons. Just kill puppies and leave the rest to the professionals. Oh, and don't get caught, asshole. You definitely won't do Satan any favors from inside a padded cell. CLICK BANNER TO ADD SATAN From America, EVIL Hollywood style... To the Old School EVIL in England... And from Russia with Love... Everybody Loves Satan! No good without evil... No love without hate... No Heaven without Hell... No light without darkness... No girls without money! SHOW SATAN'S FRIENDS SOME LOVE! Excerpts of the roleplaying game "kill puppies for satan" are used by permission from its owner, D. Vincent Baker of Lumpley Games. Movie stills and publicity photos contained on this parody web page are used under the provisions of the fair use exceptions of Section 107 of the Copyright Act, Limitations on Exclusive Rights: Fair Use, (2) parody and satire. Other work that's not used with Creative Commons licenses, used by permission, or other granted licenses and rights for non-commercial, nonprofit, and educational purposes, or covered by fair use exceptions, are the sole property of the author of this page.
My Interests

Heroes: Father! Satan! Take my soul! Father! Satan! Don't be slow! Satan, Satan The emo kids are gathered, They'll all die tonight! We'll punish them for Satan, We've just begun the fight! I worship you! I obey you! I kill for you! I die for you! Jehovah's Witnesses are knocking, Mormons pedaling up the drive. We'll answer the door for Satan, No one will remain alive! Father! Satan! Take my soul! Father! Satan! Don't be slow!
My Background and Lifestyle
MaritalStatus:	Swinger
Ethnicity:	Native American
SexualOrientation:	Straight
Hometown:	Heaven
Religion:	Other
Smoker:	Yes
Drinker:	Yes
Children:	Proud parent
Education:	College graduate
Occupation:	Lord of Darkness
Income:	$250,000 and Higher
My Pictures

My Blog
Satan Speaks! ...about racism!
Greetings Minions: Recently, a very misinformed message was posted to my comments that had been circulating for over 3 years on the Internet. I deleted it. I'm pissed. I'll break it dow... Posted by Satan on Tue, 19 Dec 2006 01:24:00 PST
The long-awaited Satan Interview, part II HAS HIT!
Satan Interview, Part II!As many of you know, Satan invited me to come down to Hell. See the boy, play the part of tourist, And muck around with the nightlife. Well last Sunday afternoon, the great ho... Posted by Satan on Sat, 16 Dec 2006 11:54:00 PST
The 7 Deadly Sins?
Greetings Minions: The 7 Deadly Sins? We are lucky to have been provided with a list of sins that can apparently lead to all sorts of trouble - the Seven Deadly Sins. These should not be confused with... Posted by Satan on Tue, 14 Nov 2006 09:49:00 PST
HATE MAIL... Jesus!
For starters, to the CHRISTIANS WHO ARE HATING ON ME, this is a tongue-in-cheek HUMOR PAGE! A PARODY! SATIRE! Give Satan a few moments of your time. I’m going to take you down th... Posted by Satan on Thu, 26 Oct 2006 04:14:00 PST
The lost Satan Interview has been found!
Satan himself interviewed here! First public interview! myspace.com/TheDevilSatan Thanks for taking time to do an interview Satan, For the sake of realism to be like a real interview and not some g... Posted by Satan on Tue, 12 Sep 2006 12:18:00 PST
My Friends
Hells Minion The Mad Hatchet, Scion of Scorn : Goblin, he11kat, Minion Captain Cracker, Minion Ashtaroth, Evil Genius Prime, Ørganism ²¹², Tilted Uterus, CANIS MORTUUS, Hell$ Hippie, Minion Janet, brad [tmm], jene, Demon, Maddy Madness, The Bone Collector Founder of ‡Å.G.Å‡/§Ø§, Trent Loves Everyone, Vlad, joey, Alley Cat ~The Imperfect, Gabe, Brian, Scottimus Rottenus, Steve, sKiD-MaRk, Gary Moses (Rest in peace Dewayne Black), Keifer, martin, Justin (fuck everything.), It's a Girl!, rocker chic, TEX, It's Dustin, lol, K@t3 Fr0m H3lL MINION OF SATAN!!!, LadyCastleCat, Muck Sticky, ♠ Joshua Scott ♠, ~ Stadtkind ~, Lucy-Fur-A.G.A./S.O.S, Wilmy Love, Skin Walkers S.O.S., nichola, Jason Burgos., Darkp§yde ®Ø†† §†alkë® A.O.D HEAD RECRUTERGUARDIAN, Discord-ant[ithesis], Germ, Ashes of Purgatory, † Sinn †, Rachael Sin, Wae, vampire princess, "OLD SCRATCH™"OFFICIAL,LTD., New Model No. 15, .:::Chi:::., HotxSpicy, Count Twigula:Master of Torture&Flesh Manipulation, Big Wood, Inquisitive, CrZy EdDiE!, william, XTRUNK - Album Out May 2nd, assi, ♥LARA♥, I'm praying for tidal waves, Mellaniy, aLeJo...al OtRo LaDo DeL sILEnCiO, The Mellow Prince, Keep It Movin, kyle, GOD of the RIGOVERSE, CreatureOfChaos, james, Copic Aka Scarface, Maudlin, Ryan, the Cat Man (A.K.A. James), Underachieving[Scum]™ Satan has 13,218 friends (77 shown). Click here to add Satan as a friend.
Tags
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