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 The Onion's Profile |
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Tu stultus es. |
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| Age: | 100 years old |
| Sex: | Male |
| Location: | NEW YORK, NEW YORK |
| Country: |  United States |
| Zodiac: |  Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22) |
| Last Login: | Feb 2, 2007 (668 days back) |
About Me |
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To the MySpace user, Though The Onion is ordinarily loathe to have any sort of portal allowing our diseased and ululating readers the option of direct contact with us, we have reluctantly conceded to author this Inter-net document to proffer the illusion that we share the concerns of the common man. Let us assure you that nothing could be further from the truth, as we have no interest in the contemptible spend-pennies that comprise our readership other than as to serve as eyeballs that will hungrily pass over our advertisements and to toil in our lye mines. However, we must somehow justify our exorbitant advertising rates, and are therefore encouraging those in the young person MySpace demographic to view our website. Please distract yourself from the crushing reality of the inescapable class-system we perpetuate by visiting our columnists on this time-wasting substitute for a social life, and, most importantly, peruse the electrical version of The Onion in order to allow us to continue gouging those who hawk their eye-catching baubles and offensive t-shirts within our pages. As always, god-damn the lot of you. H. Cuthbert Zweibel Vice-President of Client Relations, The Onion |
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My Interests |
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| News, Commentary, Advertising Revenue, The Spats. | |
I'd like to meet:Captains of industry, harlots with interweb camera picture shows and monied time-wasting morons who busy themselves with inter-net networking sites and enjoy looking at advertising. |
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Music:Wagner, Also Sprach Zarathustra, The Empire Carpeting Jingle, Now That's What I Call The Sustained Screams Of Orphans!, Vol. V. "Push It" by Salt-N-Pepa - total "desert island" song. |
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Movies:The Aviator, DW Griffith's Birth Of A Nation, National Treasure–An extremely accurate portrayal of Masonic operations in America. |
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Books:God-Damn the Lot of You by T. Herman Zweibel, Diplomacy (A Touchstone Book) by Henry Kissenger, Thomas Jefferson’s Notes on The State of Virginia, The Articles of Confederation, The Bible (Secret Edition), The Scarlet Letter—first half only. |
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Heroes:None. |
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My Background and Lifestyle |
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| MaritalStatus: | Single |
| Hometown: | Madison, WI |
| Occupation: | Newspaper |
| Income: | $250,000 and Higher |
My Blog |
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The Onion is going to start deleting image comments |
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| As much as some of the images are wonderful (such as "Kate's" original paintings), they are rendering the MySpace page all out of wack. Unless The Onion suddenly learns to use a computer, many images ... Posted by The Onion on Sun, 07 Jan 2007 03:49:00 PST |
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The Onion is going to start deleting image comments |
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| As much as some of the images are wonderful (such as "Kate's" original paintings), they are rendering the MySpace page all out of wack. Unless The Onion suddenly learns to use a computer, many images ... Posted by The Onion on Sun, 07 Jan 2007 03:50:00 PST |
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If you post in image that says "Thanks for the Add!" |
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| The Onion will drop-kick off its buddy list you like a bad yam.And if you have posted such an image, you have three days to submit a REAL comment.Seriously, if you can't think of anything original to ... Posted by The Onion on Sun, 26 Nov 2006 01:45:00 PST |
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A Very Brief Interview on NPR |
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| Editors Joes Randazo and Garden appear on on Fresh Air. Posted by The Onion on Wed, 22 Nov 2006 06:45:00 PST |
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The Onion Calls the Election! |
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| Politicians Sweep Midterm Elections...onion_embed{ background:rgb(256,256,256)!important;border:4px solid rgb(65,160,65);border-width:4px 0 1px 0;margin:10px 30px!important;padding:5px;overflow:hidden... Posted by The Onion on Wed, 08 Nov 2006 07:12:00 PST |
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Cram this in your time hole! |
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| The Onion wasted a great deal of time creating this, and now you must waste time on it as well!What Onion character are you?... Posted by The Onion on Fri, 27 Oct 2006 01:20:00 PST |
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Today in The News - October 27 |
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| Local Man Inspires 14th Offbeat News Story.onion_embed{ background:rgb(256,256,256)!important;border:4px solid rgb(65,160,65);border-width:4px 0 1px 0;margin:10px 30px!important;padding:5px;overflow:h... Posted by The Onion on Fri, 27 Oct 2006 05:14:00 PST |
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Today In The News - October 10 |
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| Bin Laden's Mother Worried Sick.onion_embed{ background:rgb(256,256,256)!important;border:4px solid rgb(65,160,65);border-width:4px 0 1px 0;margin:10px 30px!important;padding:5px;overflow:hidden!impor... Posted by The Onion on Wed, 11 Oct 2006 05:57:00 PST |
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Ask The Onion |
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| The publishing arm of The Onion would like to offer our readership and MySpace "friends" the illusion of transparency. In order to foster a sense of inclusion, we are now allowing out readers to pose ... Posted by The Onion on Fri, 06 Oct 2006 10:51:00 PST |
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Today In The News: October 6, 2006 |
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| Retired S1Ws Recalled To Active Duty.onion_embed{ background:rgb(256,256,256)!important;border:4px solid rgb(65,160,65);border-width:4px 0 1px 0;margin:10px 30px!important;padding:5px;overflow:hidden!... Posted by The Onion on Fri, 06 Oct 2006 08:48:00 PST |
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My Friends |
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diane court [the onion], Jim Anchower, Doyle Redland, Onion Chicago, The Onion - Austin, the Onion Colorado, Twin Cities Onion, The Onion SF, rocky the knife, Amanda, Baly, Paint My House On Fire, Colin, Keith, Nathan, danguterman, Megan, J. Michael Randazzo, John Howell Harris, Chris, Justin, Ryan Blue: Ex-San Diegan, Ex-Exfriend., Brandon, Mike, Fear N. Loafing in Las Vegas, Crosseyed and shameless, The Poetry of Chuck Clenney, 2 + 2 = 5, Rev K, 1225TRUTH, Gregor, MELONCOLIE MINSTRELS, ∞∞ Expletive Deleted ™ ∞∞, HIS NAME IS ALIVE, Jessica Haines & Mark Kaiser, Duncan, jawnee, Shredder, Ducky, Calamity, ObscureInternet, Riley, Morgan, kate., The Don, Mortal Kombat [the onion], DonTheHip, Kate, EMERGENCY USA, Rhianna, Dominic, Boston Avenue Athletic Club, Fritz, Prof. Jas. G. Mundie, James Randi, Don, Ali, The Crash and Betty Show, Andy
The Onion has 668 friends (59 shown). Click here to add The Onion as a friend. |
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Tags |
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The Onion's profile has been tagged with the following keywords. Click a tag to search for profiles with the same tags. myspace, onion, direct contact, time wasting, proffer, common man, advertising rates, young person, eyeballs, reluctantly, pennies, toil, madison wi, illusion, demographic, advertisements, loathe, conceded, exorbitant |
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