Caballero, the absentee ballots are out and election day está llegando. This is the most important election of our lives where we get to vote for an honorable war hero against the most radical leftist (and quite frankly, communist) candidate the United States has ever had. Please don't forget to vote for John McCain and Sarah Palin. Here are my other recommendations:

¡A VOTAR se ha dicho!

PRESIDENT AND VICE PRESIDENT
John McCain / Sarah Palin (R)
See Cheo’s Versailles Beat endorsement here

US CONGRESS
District 18
Ileana Ros-Lehtinen (R)

District 21
Raúl Martínez (D)
See my Versailles Beat endorsement here

District 25
Mario Diaz-Balart
See my Versailles Beat endorsement here

STATE LEGISLATURE
State Senate District 35
Dean Santoro (R)

State House
D-107: Luis García (D)
D-110: Esteban Bovo (R)
D-111: Erik Fresen (R)
D-112: David Rivera (R)
D-113: Carlos López-Cantera (R)
D-119: Juan Carlos Zapata (R)

CLERK OF THE COURTS
Alberto “Al” Pérez (NPA)

JUDGE RETENTIONS
Justice Wells: NO
Judge Cope: YES
Judge Gersten: NO
Judge Lagoa: NO
Judge Ramírez: YES
Judge Salter: YES

CIRCUIT COURT JUDGE
Stephen Millan

PROPERTY APPRAISER
Jim Shedd

CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENTS
Amendment 1: NO
Amendment 2: YES
Amendment 3: YES
Amendment 4: YES
Amendment 6: YES
Amendment 8: NO

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Bueno, I am a Cuban refugee from Guanabacoa. I came to this country with my pregnant wife Juana, my suegros Antonio & Adela and my son Joe in 1960. Carmencita was born here a few months later. We all thought we were going back, especially in 1961, until Kennedy made a major cagazón out of the Bay of Pigs invasion...carbrón that he was, que en paz descanse until I get there. I still have that bottle of champaña for when Fidel dies, which I fear won't ever happen. Pero bueno, I don't want to get too over-exciting over it.

Anyway, Juana and I have live here in our modest house en la Sagüesera here in Miami since we first come from Cuba. We have had our ups and downs...Luckily they didn't tear down our house to build el Metro Rail, we were able to save the park on my block, and get some family out during el Mariel. Gracias a Dios in 1980 Reagan beat el manisero, otherwise I would have probably lost my construction business and we'd be speaking Russian. All-in-all, everything's been good, except in 2000 when that other cabrón Clinton let a la Reno storm Elián's house a few blocks away. That thing with Eliansito was the straw that broke the horse's leg and I becomed a citizen to never vote for a Democrat. Mrs. Allen next door put a Gore sign so I made a "Cubanos Para Bush" sign and put it in my yard. She got very mad, but I didn't care three pepinos.

Anyway, speaking of Mrs. Allen, I'm sure you all want to know what's been going on in the neighborhood since the early 80's...Bueno, Mrs. Allen is the last anglo living within 5 miles of my house in la Sagüesera. She's like 80 years old now, pero sigue jodiendo como siempre. I saw some Cubans egg her Gore sign, but I didn't call the police because she got me in trouble for having chickens a few years ago...que se vaya pa'l coño su madre. Violeta married a Cuban yuppee lawyer and is living on Brickell, pero sigue chusma como siempre--she keeps busy running her uncle's botanica, which she inherited several years ago. Carmencita's friend Sharon dated Joe for a while, but they broke up and she married a Jew from Miami Beach. According to Marta, la chismosa del barrio, she still "sees" Joe, sometimes... ya tú sabes. Speaking of Marta, she married and divorced like 4 or 5 more times since the early 1980's and I hear now she's dating a balsero she met at La Cascada.

Pero anyway, Carmencita is living with her cop husband por ahi por Westchester and Joe is divorced, owns a car wash in Hialeah and is living in a town house in Pembroke Pines. My nephew Iggy that lived with us while Joe was in college moved back to New Jersey when he graduated High School. The viejos both died within a year of each other in 1994. I sold my construction business in 2001, so now I just spend my time playing dominoes at Domino Park, watching Marlins games, going to los Teatricos de la Calle 8, playing the lottery, talking politics at the Versailles coffee window and going with my wife Juana to our oceanfront trailer in Key Largo to fish on the weekends. Life is good, except for the fact that Fidel is still alive, viejo cagado ese.

Bueno caballero, eso es todo. If you have question, just ask.

Ah, y NO estén poniendo anuncios de las discotecas de mala muerte de South Beach ni anuncios de ningún otro tipo, que si ponen anuncios aqui, los borro y te boto pa'l carajo. Vayan a anunciar pa'otro lado.