You're Les Miserables!
by Victor Hugo
One of the best known people in your community, you have become something of a phenomenon. People have sung about you, danced in your honor, created all manner of art in your name. And yet your story is one of failure and despair, with a few brief exceptions. A hopeless romantic, you'll never stop hoping that more good will come from your failings than is ever possible. Beware detectives and prison guards bearing vendettas.
Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid .

I attacked and took over two countries. I spent the US surplus and bankrupted the US treasury. I shattered the record for the biggest annual deficit in history (not easy) I set an economic record for the most personal bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period. I set all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the stock market. I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record. In my first year in office I set the all-time record for the most days on vacation by any president in US history (tough to beat my dad's, but I did). After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history. I set the record for most campaign raising trips by any president in US history. In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their jobs. I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history. I set the all-time record for most real estate foreclosures in a 12-month period. I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any other president in US history. I set the record for fewest press conferences of any president since the advent of TV. I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed. I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any other US president in history. I cut health-care benefits for war veterans. I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any one person in the history of mankind. I dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history. I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history. Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history (the poorest multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her). I am the first president in US history to have all 50 states of the union simultaneously struggle against bankruptcy. I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world. I am the first president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the vast majority of the international community. I have created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the US. I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any other president in US history (Reagan was hard to beat, but I did it!!!) I am the first president in US history to compel the United Nations to remove the US from the Human Rights Commission. I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board. I removed more checks and balances and have the least congressional oversight of any presidential administration in US history. I rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. I withdrew from the World Court Of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions. I am the first president in US history to refuse United Nations elections inspectors access during the 2002 elections. I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for the most corporate campaign donations. The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of EnronCorporation) I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history. I am the first president to run and hide when the US came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had the code to Air Force 1). I am the first US president to establish a secret shadow government. I took the world's sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history). I am the first US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. I set the all-time record for the number of administration appointees who violated US laws by not selling their huge investments in corporations that later made bids for gov. contracts. I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history. I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided that the US has been since the Civil War. I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down. I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available). I was AWOL from the National Guard and deserted the military during time of war. I refused to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use. All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my father's library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All records of any SEC investigation into my insider trading or bankrupted companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. All minutes of meetings of any public corporations for which I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view. Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.